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found new family

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found new family

Postby Bobby » Fri Oct 05, 2012 3:16 pm

On my recent visit to a search web site I found my father whom I have not been in touch with since Mother and he divorced. I know that he married again but is deceased and has children. They in turn have married and have family. My request is for anyone who has had similar experience and if any advice regarding contact with them. They may not even know about dad`s first marriage. Thanking You and hoping to hear soon from someone.
Bobby
 
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Re: found new family

Postby paulberyl » Fri Dec 21, 2012 2:41 pm

Hello Bobby,

I have been absent from the forum for some time and have only just come across your message. I do not know whether you have made an approach to your extended family and if so what response you had.

My experience with my father was similar and more complex! He separated and was subsequently divorced from my mother shortly after my sister was born and when I was two years old. I had no memory or knowledge of him whatsoever. As part of my family history research I found that he had married bigamously and had had a son; marriage annulled. He had married a third time and his wife had died. Had married a fourth and fifth time both marriages ending in divorce and finally he lived with a widow up to the time of his death. As an example of the difficulties I had to overcome when he died the woman he was living with and her family only knew of his third marriage and that his wife had died and had no knowledge of any of the other marriages and that he had three children from these marriages.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach this other than to take matters slowly and put the ball into the other person’s court and let them approach you if they want to talk about your father. (They may not want to. My half-brother was extremely reluctant to have any connection with our father’s other families and it took some time before he was ready to speak about him although I am very pleased to say that the two of us are now good friends).
The approaches I made were to:
- Second marriage directly to my half-brother
- Fourth marriage to what would have been my step-sister
- Fifth marriage directly to my father’s wife
- Sixth “marriage” again to what would have been a “step-sister”.
I just told them who I was and gave them a postal address, email address and telephone number if they would like to contact me. They all did, even when their experience had not been very pleasant and we exchanged stories and knowledge. The best thing is that we have all stayed in contact and share birthday and Christmas cards as well as family events. It is strange that I have no recollection of my father and yet I am now in contact with and am on good terms with all the families he touched upon in his life.

If you have already made an approach to your extended family I hope it went well or if you are still to contact them I hope you are as successful as I was.

Paul
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Re: found new family

Postby meekhcs » Fri Dec 21, 2012 4:55 pm

I, too, have only just come accross this post, and I truly hope that you have the same wonderful result as Paul did.

My husband was a war baby and never knew his Father. He wad led to believe by his Mother that his Father had died immediately after the war.

Sadly by the time we found out the truth it was too late, and his Father had not passed away until 1994.

After much deliberation, we reached out to the Family, but were well and truly rebuffed.

It was very hard for my husband, but this year we were blessed with our first grandchild, and as far as my husband is concerned he is now the head of his own dynasty!

Good Luck

Sally
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Location: england

Re: found new family

Postby Bobby » Mon Dec 31, 2012 10:46 pm

paulberyl wrote:Hello Bobby,

I have been absent from the forum for some time and have only just come across your message. I do not know whether you have made an approach to your extended family and if so what response you had.

My experience with my father was similar and more complex! He separated and was subsequently divorced from my mother shortly after my sister was born and when I was two years old. I had no memory or knowledge of him whatsoever. As part of my family history research I found that he had married bigamously and had had a son; marriage annulled. He had married a third time and his wife had died. Had married a fourth and fifth time both marriages ending in divorce and finally he lived with a widow up to the time of his death. As an example of the difficulties I had to overcome when he died the woman he was living with and her family only knew of his third marriage and that his wife had died and had no knowledge of any of the other marriages and that he had three children from these marriages.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach this other than to take matters slowly and put the ball into the other person’s court and let them approach you if they want to talk about your father. (They may not want to. My half-brother was extremely reluctant to have any connection with our father’s other families and it took some time before he was ready to speak about him although I am very pleased to say that the two of us are now good friends).
The approaches I made were to:
- Second marriage directly to my half-brother
- Fourth marriage to what would have been my step-sister
- Fifth marriage directly to my father’s wife
- Sixth “marriage” again to what would have been a “step-sister”.
I just told them who I was and gave them a postal address, email address and telephone number if they would like to contact me. They all did, even when their experience had not been very pleasant and we exchanged stories and knowledge. The best thing is that we have all stayed in contact and share birthday and Christmas cards as well as family events. It is strange that I have no recollection of my father and yet I am now in contact with and am on good terms with all the families he touched upon in his life.

If you have already made an approach to your extended family I hope it went well or if you are still to contact them I hope you are as successful as I was.

Paul

Hi Paul
Thank you for your reply to my post re- contacting new found family. As of yet I have not made any contact as I only know the town /city where they live. their actual addresses I do not know yet. I was taken on a visit to my father and his wife when I was very young , they were living at that time in a town called Rossington near Doncaster. I think that because of his unusual middle name that I have found the right family. The date of birth is identical . I hope later this year to try and contact them and I hope that it works out OK. I would not like to upset anyone so I will do as you did and let them contact me if they want, one thing I would like is a photo of my dad and to know where he was buried. Again thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
Bobby
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Re: found new family

Postby Bobby » Mon Dec 31, 2012 10:55 pm

meekhcs wrote:I, too, have only just come accross this post, and I truly hope that you have the same wonderful result as Paul did.

My husband was a war baby and never knew his Father. He wad led to believe by his Mother that his Father had died immediately after the war.

Sadly by the time we found out the truth it was too late, and his Father had not passed away until 1994.

After much deliberation, we reached out to the Family, but were well and truly rebuffed.

It was very hard for my husband, but this year we were blessed with our first grandchild, and as far as my husband is concerned he is now the head of his own dynasty!

Good Luck

Sally


Hi Sally
Thank you for your reply to my post re- new family. Your husbands experience with his new family was the very thing I had on my mind. I would not like to cause any hurt to anyone and that is the reason I made the post to get other peoples experiences on the subject. As you say Paul has had a bad experience at first then it turned around. I was going to try and contact the family in the new year, I know where they live but not their addresses so it will be a while until I can contact them. Again thank you for your reply.
Bobby
Bobby
 
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Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2012 10:14 am

Re: found new family

Postby Bobby » Fri May 24, 2013 11:52 am

Bobby wrote:
paulberyl wrote:Hello Bobby,

I have been absent from the forum for some time and have only just come across your message. I do not know whether you have made an approach to your extended family and if so what response you had.

My experience with my father was similar and more complex! He separated and was subsequently divorced from my mother shortly after my sister was born and when I was two years old. I had no memory or knowledge of him whatsoever. As part of my family history research I found that he had married bigamously and had had a son; marriage annulled. He had married a third time and his wife had died. Had married a fourth and fifth time both marriages ending in divorce and finally he lived with a widow up to the time of his death. As an example of the difficulties I had to overcome when he died the woman he was living with and her family only knew of his third marriage and that his wife had died and had no knowledge of any of the other marriages and that he had three children from these marriages.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to approach this other than to take matters slowly and put the ball into the other person’s court and let them approach you if they want to talk about your father. (They may not want to. My half-brother was extremely reluctant to have any connection with our father’s other families and it took some time before he was ready to speak about him although I am very pleased to say that the two of us are now good friends).
The approaches I made were to:
- Second marriage directly to my half-brother
- Fourth marriage to what would have been my step-sister
- Fifth marriage directly to my father’s wife
- Sixth “marriage” again to what would have been a “step-sister”.
I just told them who I was and gave them a postal address, email address and telephone number if they would like to contact me. They all did, even when their experience had not been very pleasant and we exchanged stories and knowledge. The best thing is that we have all stayed in contact and share birthday and Christmas cards as well as family events. It is strange that I have no recollection of my father and yet I am now in contact with and am on good terms with all the families he touched upon in his life.

If you have already made an approach to your extended family I hope it went well or if you are still to contact them I hope you are as successful as I was.

Paul

Hi Paul
Thank you for your reply to my post re- contacting new found family. As of yet I have not made any contact as I only know the town /city where they live. their actual addresses I do not know yet. I was taken on a visit to my father and his wife when I was very young , they were living at that time in a town called Rossington near Doncaster. I think that because of his unusual middle name that I have found the right family. The date of birth is identical . I hope later this year to try and contact them and I hope that it works out OK. I would not like to upset anyone so I will do as you did and let them contact me if they want, one thing I would like is a photo of my dad and to know where he was buried. Again thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
Bobby


Further to our discussion I have already contacted my new found family. They were very pleased and told me that they were trying to contact me for a long time. They had hit a blank wall and my letter was gladly received. We are in contact via Skype and plan to meet sometime this year.
Again thank you for your reply to my first post.
Bobby
Bobby
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2012 10:14 am

Re: found new family

Postby Bobby » Fri May 24, 2013 11:54 am

Bobby wrote:
meekhcs wrote:I, too, have only just come accross this post, and I truly hope that you have the same wonderful result as Paul did.

My husband was a war baby and never knew his Father. He wad led to believe by his Mother that his Father had died immediately after the war.

Sadly by the time we found out the truth it was too late, and his Father had not passed away until 1994.

After much deliberation, we reached out to the Family, but were well and truly rebuffed.

It was very hard for my husband, but this year we were blessed with our first grandchild, and as far as my husband is concerned he is now the head of his own dynasty!

Good Luck

Sally


Hi Sally
Thank you for your reply to my post re- new family. Your husbands experience with his new family was the very thing I had on my mind. I would not like to cause any hurt to anyone and that is the reason I made the post to get other peoples experiences on the subject. As you say Paul has had a bad experience at first then it turned around. I was going to try and contact the family in the new year, I know where they live but not their addresses so it will be a while until I can contact them. Again thank you for your reply.
Bobby


Hi Sally
Further to our discussion I have already contacted my new found family. They were very pleased and told me that they were trying to contact me for a long time. They had hit a blank wall and my letter was gladly received. We are in contact via Skype and plan to meet sometime this year.
Again thank you for your reply to my first post.
Bobby
Bobby
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2012 10:14 am

Re: found new family

Postby meekhcs » Tue May 28, 2013 11:34 am

That is wonderful news I am so pleased for you
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Location: england

Re: found new family

Postby jorgealarcon » Fri Jul 05, 2013 1:00 am

That is good news that you found new family.
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